Connecting the Dots...

I watched Steve Jobs' commencement speech at Stanford last night (thanks Alex) and was blown away by the amount of wisdom that was contained in those brief 15 minutes. One of the things that really resonated with me was the idea of connecting the dots. Steve spoke about taking a Calligraphy course in college (after he dropped out) that he had no intention of using, it just interested him. The, years later, as he was designing Mac (if that's even what it was called back then) everything he learned in that course came back to him and he was able to use the beautiful writing style he had learned. He went on to say that you cannot connect the dots looking forwards, only looking back...there was no way for him to know that he was going to use that course to help create one of the most influential corporations our nation would ever see...BUT, looking back, it all made sense.

I've realized that I have a tendency to want to connect the dots looking ahead. I want to understand how everything fits together, I want to understand why God has me going through whatever season He has me going through. But, see, it doesn't work that way.

Here in San Fran, things have been going well but it's been different than any experience I've had before. It's taking time to build relationships and to determine what activities/groups to get involved in (whereas before, I'd just rush into the first few things that seemed really cool), I feel like I'm doing a lot more waiting on the Lord and less actively pursuing things in my life--it's weird (and a bit scary). It's funny what happens when you start to slow down-when you start relying on God for more and on yourself less--it's a bit nerve-wracking but also really exciting. It's also kinda hard to figure out how much we are supposed to take care of and how much we are supposed to trust God for. I keep trying to figure out what He has planned--why am I living where I'm living? Why am I in the school I'm in or a part of the church I'm a part of? What lesson is there to learn? Who am I supposed to meet? I keep looking for clues and making guesses (guesses which are oftentimes wrong, I might add) and He just says, "trust me."

God's word says that His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts. Haha no kidding. Yet I still try to understand Him--why He does what He does (or doesn't' do what I think He should). And I think that's okay. I think He wants us to know Him in that way. But I also think that, sometimes, He calls us to just trust Him, to just let ourselves go through whatever He's put before us, not worry now about the reason for it and, after it's all said and done, it'll make some sense. AND, we'll get to experience Him on a whole new level...how cool is that :o)

Thank God for old friends and new ones

As I was driving home from the airport yesterday, it hit me. "I live in California!" Of course, I knew this already, but there was some new realization that came yesterday, heading down 101, looking at the mountains and feeling the feel of California air (those of you who have been here surely know what I am talking about :o) ). This has been a dream of mine for so long now, and now, here I am, living in California, 10 blocks from the beach, going to school in the heart of San Francisco. How freaking cool is that?

When I got home last night the house seemed empty. Izzy has been with me for the past 2 1/2 weeks and what a blessing she was. I don't know that I would have made it had it not been for her being here. And when I got home her presence was instantly noticed and missed. Thanks, Izzy, for being such a great friend :o) It's going to be so weird not having you here.

After settling down last night, Jesslyn and I went through the  last of my boxes (the kitchen stuff) and put everything away. We washed all the pots, pans, dishes, and worked together to figure out where we wanted to put everything. It's interesting how such an ordinary task can turn into a time of bonding :o) It was nice spending the time with her (AND getting rid of all those boxes!) The apartment is actually starting to feel like a home, which is cool. Normally it would be freaking me out that all of this isn't done already, that everything isn't in it's place, that our walls are still bare and we still don't have much furniture in our room, that there is a box of stuff in my room that I have NO idea what to do with....but today, it's okay :o) Little by little, piece by piece, the apartment is coming together and I like it. It's been cool, too, to see how my and Jesslyn's personalities mesh to create this place that reflects who we both are. We have quite a bit in common, yet are distinctly different and it's been pretty neat to witness the way those two things are melding.

Here We Go

So I made it through my first week of law school and was able to consummate it on my birthday! My friend Izzy and I went on the zip wire, ate some amazing food at "The Stinking Rose" (if you're a garlic fan, this is a place you must go!), and ended with "Anne of Green Gables" on a laptop...it was great.

I am so grateful that Izzy has been here for me this week. God so knew what He was doing when He arranged for her to come. Thursday was a bit difficult for me--I began to feel the intensity of our reading assignments and some of the class discussions really challenged me to think through some of my beliefs and values. These are all good things of course and I look forward to refining these values and beliefs over the next few years. It's tough because I don't feel like some of the questions we are asked are so easy. I mean, yes, cannabalism is wrong, but how long should someone spend in jail for killing and eating someone in order not to starve to death? What would God say? Would He say a year, five, twenty, life? Would He sentence them to the death penalty? These are the issues that some of my classmates will be addressing in the years to come. They are real and they need answers (and some of them gave some pretty scary ones, if ya ask me).

I took it easy this weekend, which was nice. The church plant I've been helping out with had it's first preview service tonight--it went really well! The pastor and his wife are great and I LOVE that we break into small groups to discuss the sermon. It really gives us a chance to get to know each other while talking about how the Word applies to our lives and what we thought about what the pastor said. Sometimes I feel like there's this notion out there that once you become Christian you have all the answers. What I've found, though, is that the longer I'm a Christian the more questions I have. It'll be nice to have a place to talk about those questions, share some insights, and build relationships all at the same time :o) I'm really glad God brought me here and I am really excited about what He has planned :o)

Day One...Not bad, not bad at all

Well, I completely bought into the hype and woke up this morning feeling extremely nervous (but also excited) about the day. Since I only had one class, I thought I'd get up early and do some readings for a class I have later this week. You know, get the semester started off on the right foot and all. Well, wouldn't ya know it, my nerves totally kicked in and I began to stress out about every little thing. My new backpack wasn't big enough, I couldn't find the ticket I had to pay, the movers in charge of getting my stuff from the east to the west were being flaky, and, of course, I didn't know what to wear. After about an hour of insanity, I finally stopped and decided to pray. Lord, I need your help. I'm going nuts here and I don't want to be. As I got still and reflected on how far He's brought me, I began to feel at peace. Suddenly, my backpack was great...who needs to carry around 4 books anyway? The move situation seemed less pressing, and everything else just seemed to fall into place.

It's interesting how, even after learning how much better my day goes when I seek God first, I still fail to do so first thing in the morning. Why do I still feel like I have to get everything situated first...THEN go to Him...you know, AFTER I have everything figured out? Silly Jamie, when will you learn?

As I sat outside on the Beach (which, by the way, is not an actual beach but rather the cement patio outside my school that they just CALL the beach), my nerves began to stir up again. This whole idea of getting cold called in class is really scary. What if I don't know the material? What if the stuff I focused on really isn't that important at all? What if I freeze and don't say anything at all? Oh Lord, please turn my mind off.

As I walked in the classroom I headed straight for the front row. I figured it'd be the safest because I would have to pay attention. One of my biggest goals for this first year (and hopefully first semester), is to get passed this fear of speaking in class. I've had such a problem with it ever since entering college, and I really want to get over it. I have a tendency to freeze, my mind goes blank, and I am so worried about what I will sound like that I don't say anything. And the worst part is that I do the work. I know the stuff. I read and am sure the I truly comprehend the material...especially when I am interested in the topic. So, I do the readings, have tons of thoughts and insights and then am too afraid to share them. Afraid of what people will think, afraid I'll be told I'm wrong, afraid what I'm saying will be totally off and not make sense to anyone but myself. Most of the time that isn't what happens so I'm not sure where this comes from. But, I will say, that I am determined to push passed this, and I think that law school may be just the place to do it.