Day One...Not bad, not bad at all

Well, I completely bought into the hype and woke up this morning feeling extremely nervous (but also excited) about the day. Since I only had one class, I thought I'd get up early and do some readings for a class I have later this week. You know, get the semester started off on the right foot and all. Well, wouldn't ya know it, my nerves totally kicked in and I began to stress out about every little thing. My new backpack wasn't big enough, I couldn't find the ticket I had to pay, the movers in charge of getting my stuff from the east to the west were being flaky, and, of course, I didn't know what to wear. After about an hour of insanity, I finally stopped and decided to pray. Lord, I need your help. I'm going nuts here and I don't want to be. As I got still and reflected on how far He's brought me, I began to feel at peace. Suddenly, my backpack was great...who needs to carry around 4 books anyway? The move situation seemed less pressing, and everything else just seemed to fall into place.

It's interesting how, even after learning how much better my day goes when I seek God first, I still fail to do so first thing in the morning. Why do I still feel like I have to get everything situated first...THEN go to Him...you know, AFTER I have everything figured out? Silly Jamie, when will you learn?

As I sat outside on the Beach (which, by the way, is not an actual beach but rather the cement patio outside my school that they just CALL the beach), my nerves began to stir up again. This whole idea of getting cold called in class is really scary. What if I don't know the material? What if the stuff I focused on really isn't that important at all? What if I freeze and don't say anything at all? Oh Lord, please turn my mind off.

As I walked in the classroom I headed straight for the front row. I figured it'd be the safest because I would have to pay attention. One of my biggest goals for this first year (and hopefully first semester), is to get passed this fear of speaking in class. I've had such a problem with it ever since entering college, and I really want to get over it. I have a tendency to freeze, my mind goes blank, and I am so worried about what I will sound like that I don't say anything. And the worst part is that I do the work. I know the stuff. I read and am sure the I truly comprehend the material...especially when I am interested in the topic. So, I do the readings, have tons of thoughts and insights and then am too afraid to share them. Afraid of what people will think, afraid I'll be told I'm wrong, afraid what I'm saying will be totally off and not make sense to anyone but myself. Most of the time that isn't what happens so I'm not sure where this comes from. But, I will say, that I am determined to push passed this, and I think that law school may be just the place to do it.